Being Present
The Collect for Ash Wednesday.
ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, who hatest nothing that thou hast made, and dost forgive the sins of all those who are penitent; Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of thee, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
As I discussed in my last blog post prior to Lent, I thoroughly enjoy Lent. The sustained fasting done as a community together is always a needed reset after the long span of Trinity, and celebrations of Christmastide and Epiphany. Yet, I’ve found myself struggling to be present this Lent in the actual daily rhythms of Lent. By daily rhythms, I mean an intentional meditation and focused space that allows time with God in the season of Lent. Sure, I’ve kept my fast to the best of my abilities, prayed the Daily Offices, and even implemented additional prayer practices. But intentionally stopping to reflect on Lent itself and my own spiritual growth in the midst of these disciplines, candidly, has been sparse and difficult. I’ve kept the letter of my disciplines of Lent, but not always the spirit of them–I’ve made space, and yet not always filled it well. While I could attribute this to upcoming life changes, it would be incorrect to place the blame solely on them. For me, from the moment we hit Ash Wednesday, so many of my daily work tasks involve planning for Holy Week and Easter: booklet making, printing, Children’s Ministry planning, Easter Feast, end of Lent retreats….the list goes on. With so much focus on the things to come, it’s been easy to lose sight of the present.
This temptation to look ahead at the expense of the present is not unique to Lent: in fact, we’ve been tested, tried, and likely often failed in this temptation since we were children. Did you ever count down the months and days until your birthday or Christmas as a young child? Did you ever wish to just “get through the day” so it would be over? Did you count down the days until summer break, or even the weekend? Have you ever thought, “Things will slow down when…” I know I have–this morning in fact! As rational beings gifted with the breath of life, this temptation is uniquely ours and affects us all to varying degrees. This is not to say that a mindset that looks ahead is inherently negative. In fact, what brings us joy and the ability to withstand the difficulties of the fast in Lent is the knowledge that we as the Church know the ending of the story and can look ahead at the gloriously resurrected Christ, even as we simultaneously journey with him to the cross. What becomes negative, however, is a willful desire to only look ahead, and not sit in the present.
Tomorrow is the Fourth Sunday in Lent, and it’s commonly referred to as “Mothering Sunday” or “Refreshment Sunday”. We are reminded that we are more than halfway through our Lenten fast. We rejoice in this, for we know that while the pain of the cross draws nigh in Holy Week, so does the joy of the empty tomb on Easter Sunday. Let us take refreshment in the knowledge that it’s not too late to enter into the space of Lent and be present with our Lord in His sufferings. As we commemorated the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary yesterday, we can and should continue in the glorious surrender of her “yes” to the Lord’s will. She did not doubtfully question Gabriel with the many details surrounding Christ’s birth and life: she did not let the temptation of looking ahead detract her from the present moment. Our Blessed Mother stood in the moment and chose to surrender her life, her body, her soul, and her entire being to God’s call in an act of ultimate faithfulness. We are called to do the same.
As Fr. Hayden often says, there is no joy that does not first know pain, and no glory in the resurrection without the suffering of the cross. Our task in these last weeks of Lent is to continue to live into the Collect for Ash Wednesday–worthily lamenting our sins, acknowledging our wretchedness–doing all things through and with Jesus Christ our Lord. Let us seek to be present with our Lord once more in this “bright sadness” of Lent, focusing not on the ways we’ve failed this Lent, nor solely on how excited we are to feast once more. Rather let us walk moment to moment with our Lord, not hurrying the journey, but remaining faithful and present in our prayer, remembering that ultimately, whether we deserve it or not, Easter will still come.
Peace be with you.